GentleSoul4Peace
Date: Oct 17, 2006 12:02 AM
MAGICAL MYSTERY MIKE
sea'lestial
Heaven <3>
Develop your connection
between mind and heart...
If I make a comment to someone - even though it was kindly and sincerely meant - and they get upset or take offense, is their upset my responsibility? The answer is no. You can genuinely love someone whilst nevertheless doing something they don't like or agree with. You do it because you feel it is the right thing to do, though you still understand and have empathy for their different viewpoint (which causes their emotional reaction) which they have created by their own choices and belief system.
If one only did things others can easily accept then the status quo would never progress. That would truly be a trap. The solution here is better communication, leading to increased understanding of each other's viewpoint, and therefore acceptance of the differing personal realities.
There is a strong imprint in our culture to feel sad, guilty, etc. for painful emotions our actions may cause to others. There's a general misconception that you are your emotions. "I am angry" and "you make me angry". This is conditioning not truth. In terms of cause and effect, it's a viewpoint at effect. Some say that to be happy, only do what others can easily experience - it's the same lie.
The Church teaches "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." I believe this IS the best advice, as if you are being ethical - acting from integrity, being true to your self - then it's going to be OK for others to do the same to you. And if it isn't then you'd better re-think whether you are indeed doing the right thing. It is one definition of a 'wrong' action: that which you would not like another to do to you.
You are responsible for your choices, decisions and actions. For being true to your judgment. For communicating with honesty and integrity, developing and maintaining an open mind, and promoting understanding and empathy. For never compromising your freedoms and rights nor trampling on another's. For always acting from the primary motivation of love. That's all and quite enough. Others are responsible, in the same way, for their own beliefs, interpretations, feelings, responses, and reactions; that's their right and their life - none of our business.
Think of five things that are really important to you: they might include a nice house, loving supportive partner, the chance to travel, a good job, and so on. Now look at your current life and see how it matches up. These questions can help you pinpoint problem areas:
What are you doing that you do indeed want to do?
What are you doing that you don't want to be doing?
What are you not doing that you do actually want to do?
In the light of this information, clarify your goals. Be specific - before you can plan how to achieve a goal it needs to be stated in a way that is realistic, measurable and time-targeted. Your action plan should be broken down into manageable chunks - the steps you know you can make that, one by one, will take you to where you want to go.
I believe that we do create our reality - at one level, our 'being God' spiritual level - and at another coexistent level - the 'game of life' on this planet - everything has to be achieved through action, i.e. there is distance between cause and effect. In practice this means we do best to 'manifest' spiritually (perceive our goal as already achieved and be grateful and 'allowing' for that) at the same time as we put our goals into directed action, so there is congruence between these two aspects of our being. We ourselves are a channel for spiritual manifestation. Also we need to make sure that our beliefs (at every level of the mind - conscious and subconscious) match up to our goals and our desires. Mind, body and spirit working in harmony.
My work is all about encouraging individuals to discover the truth within themselves - their own inner knowing that is gradually exposed by their own increasing awareness, responsibility and acceptance. When all distortions and filters are cleared, those subjective realities start to coincide with an objective reality, albeit on a wider dimensional basis than the 3-D world of materiality that scientific rationalism is normally limited to.
The shadow of love is fear. To understand one's fears and anxieties better I have found it workable to determine what need corresponds to the fear, as fear and need tend to go together: they're opposite flows, like the fear of not obtaining one's needs, whether for survival, comfort, belonging, rightness, esteem, success, realization, and so on. When you've identified the corresponding need, it's easier to see if that need makes sense. Of course, you are worried if your child has got lost and you do all you can to resolve that situation. But more often worry is a result of not wanting to own up to what you have done, or trying to predict and control other people's feelings, and especially trying to please another rather than just being content at having done what you feel is the right thing.
Unpredicted obstacles may occur so it is important to stay flexible and to think laterally. The future isn't always predictable; instead of worrying about what the future holds, we need to learn to let go and trust in the Universe to reflect our intentions. We cannot do better than our best. We need to be open to new ideas and listen to our intuition to direct us to new solutions. Life is a game - think of it like that and don't take anything too seriously. Enjoy the challenges life offers!
Instead of feeling overwhelmed by a task, break it down into small segments that you know you can do and start on the first one. If you have lots of incomplete jobs, list them in order of priority and tackle the most important job first. This way you have a sense of achievement at each step - and you'll soon find yourself getting a whole lot more accomplished. Production equals morale. And if you're living or working in a mess, sort it out - a disordered environment is reflected in your mind.
Write down a list of things that make you excited, however big, small, likely or unlikely. Then work to make them occur more often in your life. And appreciate the good things you take for granted - your child's hug or a good book. Look for moments of joy and savour them. Recognize how many happen every day. Feeling good can be a way of life, not just an occasional accident.
Smiling triggers happy feelings in the brain and reduces stress. Even if you don't feel happy or confident, just behave as though you do and soon you will. Find the joy in your life and you'll be more attractive and nicer to be around, people will be nicer to you too - and you'll smile some more! Joy is infectious but so is misery; therefore don't have anything whatever to do with people who dampen your spirits, invalidate your achievements or tell you what to think.
Write down every negative thought you have over the course of a week, whether it's "My family don't appreciate me" or "I look dreadful." Negativity is a habit and we often don't realize we're putting ourselves down. Under each negative thought you've written, see if you can spot an alternative way of looking at it, that isn't so negative. See if you've exaggerated the situation or overly generalized, or if you are being unnecessarily intolerant or perfectionist, or thinking in terms of pleasing others rather than yourself - the 'shoulds' and 'ought-tos'.
The objective world, our playing field of life, is dialectic by the nature of a game, full of beauty and ugliness, good and evil. But the subjective truth of things, the bird's-eye viewpoint, is ultimately always positive, causative and loving - as that is your essential nature.
Think of things which you have a right to, e.g. "I have a right to an evening out with my friends from time to time." Think of rights that every human being should have, such as, "I have the right not to be bullied." Now, protect your rights with your life, and watch your integrity and self-esteem grow.
Be sure to put aside a little time every day for yourself - relax with a book, in the bath or sitting in the garden with the sun on your face. Think of some things that make you happy - worrying solves nothing. And at night time, go to bed early enough that you get enough sleep to feel your best the next day.
If you have a problem, the thing to do is to communicate: find out the information you need to get the full picture, so that the solution becomes apparent. If you're upset, you need to communicate and say how you feel. If you've done something wrong, again you need to communicate this. Spot where you're backing off from what you need to do or say, and as the saying goes, "feel the fear and do it anyway". You'll be glad you did!
Communication, understanding and empathy are the component parts of relationship, they're equally important. Take time and trouble over your friends and your partner. Listen and understand their opinions. Value a different point of view equally as your own. Don't make being right more important than a friendship. People with a few close friends are more likely to be happy than those with many mere acquaintances.
12. Don't get put in a bag
Don't allow others to label or stereotype you - and don't do it to yourself either! You may have some particular qualities, or have some sort of difficulty, but don't let that define you. There's much more to your life than your race or gender, your sexuality, your psychological or medical problems, your political views, or any other such particulars. You may be a person who smokes, for whatever reason; that doesn't make you "a smoker" as if that's all there is to you. Personal growth is all about finally jumping out of the box that you're hiding away in - you don't need any more limiting boxes to be stuck over your head!
13. Be creative
Making something come to life that you have envisioned - whether a painting, a wonderful meal, a dress, an invention, a business plan - is infinitely satisfying. And you'll feel pleasure every time you think of it. If you want to be happy, get active - at work, within the family and the community. You will feel happier when you're participating in an activity, whether it's just playing with a child or helping organize a worthwhile event.
Self-esteem comes from demonstrated competence. Everyone has skills but not everyone uses them. So use your skills - find out what you're good at and do it. Joy is often about living in the moment, being absorbed in what you're doing, not brooding on the past or guessing your future. Decide what YOU really want and then go for it. It can take courage but it's worth the risk.
14. Be Mindful
We need to be very much in touch with our heart, with our feelings, but still to remain intelligent about it - to remain in control, not driven by our emotions. We need a balance of left and right brain - rational mind and emotional mind, logic and feelings, intellect and intuition. This is where mindfulness and wisdom is found.
We tend to be too cut off from our feelings, in order to suppress painful ones - and this becomes a habit. Academic education reinforces this imbalance. And then we lose a lot of our creative and intuitional ability. At the same time, however, when those emotions 'escape' we tend to be driven by them, and think and act impulsively, without wisdom.
You see this often with kids who act without thinking first, can't wait their turn in line or in a game, blurt out answers in class, speak when they're supposed to be quiet, maybe show aggressive behaviors, are often a little too loud, sometimes fight, and so on... they often get labeled with ADD. They impulsively say the wrong thing at the wrong time and then think, "Why did I say that?" The other kids are asking, "Who is this guy?" and often begin to avoid him. Impulsive people are not learning from past mistakes, and they're not listening. They haven't picked up on those subtle social cues that everybody else has learned, and so they're socially awkward and often don't know why. And this applies to adults too of course.
Korzybski said that most people are to some degree impulsive, therefore there is a compulsion to act or break out in speech and this limits their intelligence. His advice - when you feel this coming on - is to stop for a count of ten to let your much slower cortex (thinking brain) catch up with the emotional limbic system, before you act or speak. He went on to say that many people have an under-aroused cortex and an over-aroused limbic system: they guess rather than work out the solution to a problem, or when they are making a decision they don't work through a list of alternatives. A person in that state seeks immediate closure and cannot reject an immediate reward (immediate gratification) for a larger reward in the future, because he or she is acting impulsively - not being conscious of their choices. Acting in a more considered and intelligent way, on the other hand, will be much more true to the person's real needs and purposes, and therefore to their heart.
Mindfulness has to do with the ability to accept, in a non-evaluative and nonjudgmental fashion, both oneself and the current situation - and how one feels about it. Acceptance of reality is not necessarily approval of reality; it is simply not being blind to it, not resisting nor distorting it. Then we can see the truth.
Fixed beliefs are always a limitation and unnecessary - they cause all the types of harm that occurs in the world, especially when they are rigidly identified with or attached to, so that one cannot tolerate another having different beliefs or it is felt to be a threat if they do. Provisional beliefs are necessary, as one needs to make a map of the world, but they must always be open to revision. Be open to the opinions of another that provoke a new view of things, or that seem to conflict with what you already know. It makes it easier to see the middle path, the shades of grey between the black and white of opposing viewpoints.
So, if you feel an impulsive reaction coming on - and you feel you are being driven rather than being the driver - then take a pause, breathe deeply for several seconds and look at your options, the pros and cons - BEFORE you say or do something that isn't really congruent with your inner truth.
Intuition is not subjective truth or inner knowing if it is based on a reactive emotional response, whether a painful feeling or even a good one. How do you know if it's reaction or a fast input? Heart intelligence is about understanding emotions, not just accepting that whatever raises your heartbeat must be the way to go. Emotions always follow an interpretation. Reality testing is necessary, to see if there's more to it and you need to look deeper, or if it's an answer but in the wrong direction perhaps with thought distortions, or if it's somebody else's subjective truth rather than your own.
For most people, their mind moves rapidly from one thought to another, like a playful kitten, in constant motion. Learning mindfulness involves bringing the mind back to some detail of the present moment, acknowledging it, and accepting it. So ground yourself in the present and let your mind become still, by noticing everything you are perceiving, through all your senses. Practicing this regularly - in times of meditation and in times of stress - can help you keep your focus more and more in the present moment.
15. Further develop your mind
We have a couple of Mind Development courses that are particularly relevant to mindfulness. If impulsiveness and attention span are a problem for you, then Super Vision will improve perception and Educating the Will will train your ability to concentrate. Further courses are available to practice Effective Communication, to learn to be a Super Student and to master Speed Reading. Shortly there will be a brand new course, Toward a Greater State of memory, that I have been working on for over two years.
Over the course of many years, techniques have been developed for helping individuals to achieve their potential mental capacity. These Mind Development tools make the mind much more efficient because they open up the pathways of left-right brain communication and assist the person to regain all of their positive mental energy. They can then obtain the goals they want and take control of their destiny.
A course in Mind Development can benefit you in a number of ways, depending on what areas you feel you are weak at, or what you want to change about yourself and your capabilities. If you do these courses you should expect to see stable improvements in your career and abilities. You should have better judgment, increased mental speed and will power, better self-expression, the ability to study effectively and recall what you have learned, more creative insights, and confidence in your capacity to achieve your personal goals in life.
A useful method to help achieve the mindful state is the application of appropriate brainwave entrainment through audio stimuli. The OptiMINDzation CD is one such tool, and works very well to stimulate the Beta frequencies of alert cognition. It is important to combine such a method, however, with active learning and practice of cognitive skills, as offered by the Mind Development courses. What you don't use, you lose.
What is the difference between the brain and the mind? The brain is like computer hardware, with various types of memory and processing power. The mind is the software, the programming that makes the computer useful. This programming is partly inbuilt (through the genes), partly the result of education, upbringing and enculturation, partly the result of negative and positive learning experiences. It is reprogrammable by debugging and the effort of learning new cognitive skills. What is the spirit then? The meta-programmer - the one who determines the need for new programs. As you know, we have a whole advanced course for Meta-Programming.
It's easy enough to be happy and content in a minor way in a small area, with limited responsibilities and very little to confront or fear. This is the safe little box most of us confine our lives to. But it represents our cultural conditioning and past solutions, it does not represent our true self and our true (almost unlimited) potential. So we need to look for ways to break out, to broaden our responsibilities, to acquire the resources that enable us to meet the challenges head-on, to survive/be accepted/find ourselves in this broader domain. This is the path of our development, toward actualizing our potential and moving beyond even that, so it is an act of love, not an act of selfish ego
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